You don’t understand what Im going through….do you?

I know that your sick, and no body saw it coming. But please come on. Do you really have to bash me everyday about scholarships and finding a damn job? Do you really think EVERYONE can do school and work? If you really think that then sorry I don’t reach your expectations as a Son. I can’t believe you told me that if I love you guys I would find a job and scholarships. Really….REALLY?! because Im pretty sure that choosing to decline ALL my offers for football and just go to chaminade with NOTHING and staying here showed a lot of love for you. Its sad…it really is. Its also sad that I have to express myself on here rather then to you because in our culture the kids are never ever to tell our parents about how they feel. We just gotta keep our mouth shut and move on. Whether or not the parents are right, they are ALWAYS right….sounds unfair. But what ever. I really don’t care anymore. Its sad. You don’t understand how hard it is. I love you so much. Every day I get scared if your gonna collapse or faint or even Die. But you put me down and think I don’t even give a rip about you? Wow….im your SON. Your only biological child out of 9. Why the hell would I not love you. Look, I know your sick and your dying. IM SCARED SHITLESS! My heart aches today because today was the only day I came home out of the whole week. And you start it off with bashing me on this. Im sorry MOM but Im hurt. Im going through so much and so are you. But your CHILDREN are the ones that are suffering the worst from all this drama. I feel like the only people who are supporting me in all I do right now are my friends. And I can’t believe you judge them. You can’t even trust me for some reason. And that reason? I don’t even know. Are you scared? scared that I might go into the world? Scared that I might screw up? If you do feel that way then doesn’t that sound like you did bad on your part? Im just saying. Because honestly? I don’t think you did bad at all. I think you raised me right and I think its time to let me go. Let me live. Im saying this just because im 18. Im saying this because im scared for my future. You don’t understand what Im going though…..do you?